@_my_desk
Sunday, October 8th, 2006@ my desk
……Oktoberfest Nah?!!? dats wat i always hear everytime this month arrives!
Well, for no important reasons, it’s just an ordinary month but i guess its more important for
me to know that we are fast approaching "Chrismas Holidays", a year end to reminisce.
For another very important reason, i think maybe it’s a moment when i feel a little bit nervous
everyday…Why?! Maybe bcoz I’m getting older each day and everything changed, each day is
something to reflect about. Am not quite sure about what exactly i feel or am feeling at the moment
but i think its something that i don’t just ignore bcoz am not used to feel this way as always…
Am not thinking of something chaotic but it does happens, we’ll never know?!?!? Yeah, folks I’m pretty much aware of these things but we just don’t have that power to tell what’s gonna happen or what’s there to happen…Since, I do sometimes feel unease, as much as i wanted to enjoy every moment with
family and friends.
…..Personally, I don’t want to be judged if am doing what is right for myself, I’m quite reflecting on my daily routines which i guess helped me improved my ways. For all the things which i want to do or maybe i want to reach, it is an accomplishment to me if I did it without the hassles of getting sick or feel tremendous fatigue not knowing where to find my strength once again and won’t be able to cheer up bcoz am totally complaining about all the pains and aches i created! Whew! Whew!
…..I know and I understand that I will be dealing with my life like these forever. That’ll never change, but there are so many things I learned to deal with or shall we say I learned to do, so I can change routines
if i get bored with one thing or the other, I may be able to move on with another thing. I feel totally satisfied with that but since not always I am in my toughest shape, I remained still. Pausing for a moment is something that I always wanted to do even if they’d say I’m wasting my time, when I’m not.
…..I don’t want to study anymore. That’s what’s on my mind right now. I don’t want to indulge my mind into something that will punish my brain for all the things which I’m quite sure will always stay there and if given the chance I’d play instead. This is when I’m feeling all the pressures and the buckles of our surroundings. PLAY suddenly comes in my mind, whether it be some sort of a physical activity or a high-tech one i think it will surely give me benefit rather than use my brain and all the energy i have left in my body! But of course, I’m having fun and i feel released in writing. I think its very important to write at least to express how i feel. I have this funny feeling that I don’t want to be judged if ever, suddenly I’m out of air and won’t be able to breathe one single day for no reasons i don’t know, least I want to explain the whole world that I’m happy and I didn’t commit suicide (you know some people think that way) Neither do i feel depressed…
…..In fact our lives had changed a lot, it has been improved little by little without our knowledge so to speak. For many reasons to have considered, a lot has already changed. I’m not very pessimistic about what has been done and what still has not yet finished, all takes time. Bit by bit, it’ll be in progress! For how long, that one thing nobody can answer. We consider shall we say, prevention, caution, preparation, and the rest is process. What am I talking about, I’m serious, Everything, that’s what I’m talking about. Not just my life, somebody’s life or our future.
…..Everyone is so busy doing a lot for their family when I’m not. Well, sometimes I’m not doing anything
but not always. Of course, i feel sensitive about what’s happening inside our home. Just by saying I don’t want to push myself too much, was that enough for an excuse?! That’s when my hobbies comes in, I’m totally preoccupied!
08-Oct-06
23:07:42
